那些我没有告诉你的——伍绮诗《无声告白》

《无声告白》是亚裔美国作家伍绮诗的第一部长篇小说，小说以少女 Lydia的死亡开篇，紧接着通过他们一家五口的视角和经历为读者揭示这和谐又诡异的家庭境况，一层一层地剖开Lydia真正的死亡缘由。作者一开始就好不隐瞒地直指Lydia心理压抑情况——爸爸James和妈妈Marilyn对她的厚望——为读者对Lydia的死亡动机打了一支预期针。小说的倒叙手法和多人视角并没有复杂化小说内容，读者随着作者笔下的安排穿梭、前进，对Lydia那无可避免的结局也无不深感惋惜和唏嘘。故事格调稍微沉重，作者在这一个小家庭里纳入了几个重要课题——种族歧视、无法自主的女性和家庭压力等等。小说精彩之处莫过于一开始就对读者开门见山，但读者却不会因已知的结局而兴致缺缺，反而因着情节的安排不断地追随作者找寻那个James和Lydia所质问的——how this had all gone so wrong? 

这是怎么样的家庭呢？爸爸James从小随着父母非法移民到美国生存，一直对“融入”这件事耿耿于怀，直到与纯美国人Marilyn的结合，他才第一次感受到归属感。长大成家立业的他认为儿子Nath一定能够比他更容易地融入这一大环境，但当他发现儿子Nath依然像别人口中“懦弱的中国人”模样，就为此而害怕、失望和嫌弃，与儿子的沟通逐渐潜移默化地变得争锋相对。在外遭遇种族歧视对Nath来说已是一层伤害，而爸爸的冷待与妈妈的忽视也让他在这家庭里被边缘化。爸爸James后来将“融入”的希望寄予乖巧的Lydia，常常鼓励她多与同学朋友玩耍，对于让孩子结交朋友这件事显得急不可耐，也常常幻想自家女儿如何人见人爱、左右逢源。 

Her father was so concerned with what everyone was doing: I’m so glad you’re going to the dance, honey—everyone goes to the dance. Your hair looks so pretty that way, Lyddie—everyone has long hair these days, right? Anytime she smiled: You should smile more—everyone likes a girl who smiles. As if a dress and long hair and a smile could hide everything about her that was different. 

妈妈Marilyn对Lydia的影响，就如Marilyn的母亲对她的影响。Marilyn生活在一个不大圆满的家庭，而她妈妈是典型的附属女性。她希望Marilyn多学习如何操持一个家，找一个好依靠的对象，做一个称职的妻子和母亲。但Marilyn的梦想却是成为医生，她竭尽力气要跳脱枷锁，而她也确实有过梦想实现的契机——入读哈佛医学院。然而，命运弄人。Marilyn与James迅速相恋并怀孕，不得已放弃学业。后来成为全职家庭主妇的Marilyn有过不辞而别的出走经历，而这对年幼的Lydia来说无疑是伤害，也是Lydia转变的时刻——她变得乖巧，答应父母的所有要求，努力学习完成妈妈的梦想，因为她害怕这和谐的家庭会再次破灭。 

Jack was right: she had been afraid so long, she had forgotten what it was like not to be—afraid that, one day, her mother would disappear again, that her father would crumble, that their whole family would collapse once more. Ever since that summer without her mother, their family had felt precarious, as if they were teetering on a cliff. Before that she hadn’t realized how fragile happiness was, how if you were careless, you could knock it over and shatter it. Anything her mother wanted, she had promised. As long as she would stay. She had been so afraid. So every time her mother said Do you want—? she had said yes. She knew what her parents had longed for, without them saying a word, and she had wanted them happy. She had kept her promise. And her mother had stayed. Read this book. Yes. Want this. Love this. Yes. 

Nath和Lydia自小相伴，彼此知道双方的处境，不是没有埋怨过彼此，但因为互相了解所以成为彼此的救生圈。Lydia尤其依赖哥哥，但当哥哥获得哈佛的录取书，当她知道哥哥将一去不回头，Lydia感到无比的寂寞、孤独、无力。正开启大学生涯的Nath认为Lydia终有一天会像他一样离开这充满压迫的家，只要熬过就好了。但Lydia因长期的压抑，加上唯一能理解她的Nath不愿再承接妹妹的重量以及误以为爸爸外遇导致她对前景不抱希望，她觉得自己无路可逃，而她又无法再承受一切了，所以她走向了死亡之湖。 

Ever since that summer, she had been so afraid—of losing her mother, of losing her father. And, after a while, the biggest fear of all: of losing Nath, the only one who understood the strange and brittle balance in their family. Who knew all that had happened. Who had always kept her afloat…… It had been the same ever since. Don’t let me sink, she had thought as she reached for his hand, and he had promised not to when he took it. This moment, Lydia thought. This is where it all went wrong. 

小说通过这一家五口的叙事视角向读者讲述这一家庭的成立和经历，有着全知视角的读者在阅读过程中定然发现这一家五口最大的问题就在于缺乏沟通——Marilyn对James的自卑、James对Marilyn的梦想、父母对儿女的压力、儿女对父母的寄望、兄妹对彼此说不出口的求助都一知半解甚至一无所知。而那一直被忽视的小女儿Hannah就像一面镜子，她无疑是这个家庭的产物——小小年纪细心乖巧、有着敏锐的观察力、有所渴望又有所克制。当整个家庭在崩裂之时，她的存在也成了至关重要，也在崩裂之际作到了缓解和平衡——父母对女儿逝去的哀痛、夫妻彼此之间的理解和信任在崩塌的边缘，还有哥哥无法挽回妹妹的自责，都在Hannah的一声呼叫、呐喊得到缓解。只是，Hannah会是一个让紧绷得以舒缓的缺口，还是第二个Lydia就不得而知了。生活还在继续，故事还在续写。无论错的多么离谱，无论要失去多少，总还是要继续往前走，因为

There is nowhere to go but on.